Trying to figure out what activities our kids should
participate in was a difficult task for John and me. We wanted to find activities that would help
build their character, help develop skills, and address areas that need
addressing. Aside from a few problems
over a year ago with Tae Kwon Do, we’ve been happy with that. Anna started it a couple of weeks ago. For Jack, we’re hoping it helps him stand up
for himself. And for Anna, we’re hoping
it helps with focus. But there were
other things John and I were looking for in activities for our children.
John really has a problem with kids receiving awards merely
for participating. Also, John wants
activities in which all parents can be involved, not a select few. He wanted to avoid the gossip in the
grandstands. Being the subject of some
gossip in the grandstands myself (a parent of a student actually told me that all the hockey parents talked about me),
I appreciate that desire. He didn’t want
the kids to participate in a sport that perpetuates the stereotypes and
popularity lines. Also, he didn’t want
to have to do the extra things that the parents of little league parents do—take
turns bringing snack for the team, etc.
Also, perhaps more importantly, is the familial link to
racing. For a while, John hasn’t really
raced himself. He’s been too busy or too
poor to race himself. He missed it, so
he started to research racing for Jack.
And, starting this spring, Jack has been racing quarter midgets at a
track in Connecticut. Honestly, the
experience has been incredibly positive.
First of all, the program is well run (as well run as
possible, I think) from an organizational standpoint. They are very nurturing to the kids. They do training for the rookies and are
very good with them. For example,
yesterday, there was a car that got black flagged. The flagman took time to talk to the driver
and explain why she was black flagged.
There is a sense of community because the track is open all
the time so families go and camp out the night before a race. The kids get practice time and play time, and
once the kids have gone to bed, the parents hang out together.
There’s also a lot of fist pumping. Dads fist pumping their sons. Dads fist pumping other kids. Competitors fist pumping each other.
Also, there is acceptance of differences. There are a lot of girls driving. Not as many as there are boys, but there are
a lot of girls running around and generally kicking ass. It’s mainly a white crowd, but there are
people from a variety of backgrounds.
There are also kids with some serious disabilities.
When kids break down on the track, a flock of parents dive
in and help get the kid back on the track as soon as possible. It’s been really good.
It’s not all smooth sailing, though. Much to John’s chagrin, all the rookies
received a trophy at the end of rookie training—a big, dust collecting
trophy. Also, parents are required to
pitch in. Parents are assigned four hour
shifts in the snack shack, for example.
Fortunately, you can pay one of the older kids to do your time.
The biggest thing for me, though, is the interaction with
other people’s parenting skills. John
and I have high expectations for our children.
We expect good, polite, respectful behavior. We expect good character and good
sportsmanship. We don’t yell at them in
public (we wouldn’t be human if we didn’t yell). We speak to them with respect and try to
model the adult behavior we expect them to act on. I think we have very good kids.
I get uncomfortable when I am around yellers. And there are a few at the track. One guy yells at his daughter from the side
of the track. She’s a good driver, but
he still screams. There’s this other guy
who yells, but not at his son. His son
was in one of the rookie groups, but was older than most of the other kids and
was winning hands down. So he would yell
at the officials saying that his kid should be moved up. The kid was moved up, which turned out well. The third guy landed himself in trouble for
saying the wrong thing to his kid in front of the wrong woman.
There are two rookie groups.
The first rookie group is the younger kids. The second rookie group is older kids and the
younger kids who can keep up. Jack was
recently moved up to this group. The
problem here is that by this point of the season, the group is comprised of
kids ranging in age from about 7 to 12.
It’s not really a good mix. The
older kids tend to get more aggressive and have better motor skills. Racing is not just a physical exercise; it’s
a mental exercise. And there is a big
difference in both physical and mental abilities between a seven year old and a
twelve year old.
 |
| Anna, Gram & Val watching the heat |
So yesterday, was race day.
It was 800 degrees out and humid.
My parents and Val came, but Margie couldn’t last the day. Fortunately they saw Jack’s heat race. Fortunately they missed his feature. Our friends Darryl, Mr. Shaw and Craig were
there. Craig comes to most of Jack’s
races. He’s not racing this year either,
so he likes to come out and see Jack race.
Jack’s Uncle Steve came out as well.
It was the end of a long weekend.
Jack, John, Steve and Craig went down on Friday for practice. On Saturday was a golf tournament to raise
money for the track. Racing was on
Sunday.
 |
| sitting out the rain delay |
Jack’s feature was close to the end of the day and there was
rain. So it got held up even more. Then the race started up again.
Jack was in the lead for a while, but then hell broke
loose. Jack checked up a bit and the kid
behind him wasn’t paying attention. He
went up and over Jack, rolling his car.
Jack spun out and stopped, the kid rolled once and was back on his
wheels, never taking his foot out of it.
He wound up in a mess of other cars and then in the wall on the opposite
side of the track. The race was red
flagged for fear the kid was hurt.
Everyone stopped. Where the kid,
one of the 12 year olds in this rookie group, landed happened to be right in
front of where Anna and I were standing to watch the race.
When races are red flagged, the handlers (mainly dads) go
out and sit with their drivers and cars.
Craig was with Jack. John was
actually working one of the corners, so he was running around checking on
drivers and stuff.
The kid was crying.
He wasn’t hurt, he was frustrated.
He was throwing a little temper tantrum because he wanted the race to go
on. They had the nurse come out and
check him. There were other adults
around, too. Once the kid’s dad realized
that he wasn’t hurt, he told his son, “The next time he does that, park him.” For those of you who don’t speak racing, that
translates to the father telling his son to crash my son. I was pissed.
Jack and this kid were sent to the end of the line. The kid did his best to crash Jack before he
passed Jack. Jack worked his way up to
third, but there were a lot of other spin-outs.
Jack finished fifth, and the kid finished first. Thanks to the spin-outs, the kid was able to weasel
his way up to the front by beating the re-starts. The dad was jumping up and down, fist
pumping. I was fuming. There were a couple of the dads next to me
who were yelling at the kid’s dad though.
Most notably was the second dad I mentioned earlier. He was congratulating the man for teaching
his son how to beat up on a little kid.
I went to find John, but I missed him. He went to go get the track cart. When I found him, I told him what had
happened and he took off to get the race director. John hadn’t heard the guy because he wasn’t
near enough. Only I and a few others had
heard the comment. Craig was with him,
but he hadn’t heard me. He noticed when
John took off and asked me what was wrong.
So I told him. Craig thought for
about three seconds and then threw the handle of the cart down and went to yell
at the dad. He told the dad never to
tell his son to do that. The dad came
back fighting, but Craig continued to tell him off.
Both men backed down, the dad saying that he got worried
because his kid had been on his roof. Craig reminded him that it was still poor form
to say that since there was nothing wrong with his kid. The guy apologized to Craig. In hindsight I think the multiple apologies
were not out of regret for his actions so much as the consequences. Steve was paying attention to Jack and he was
ready to go after the guy once he realized what had happened, too, but the guy
was already apologizing and John had gone to speak to the race director. Then Steve took Jack off for a post-race
debriefing telling him how he can improve.
Craig, Anna, and I brought the cart back to the trailer and people were
talking with us about it on our way back.
They felt sympathy for Jack. They
know him. Their kids play with him and
like him.
I had thought there would be fists flying, but no. The second dad told Craig that he should have
punched him.
John, at first, felt good about going to the race
director. And this was definitely the
higher road. The race director told John
that there had been some complaints about the dad and the kid before. They would take some action. If there was another complaint they would be
asked to leave.
At some point while we were all packing up the stuff, John
met with the race director and the other dad.
The kid is going to be moved up to the next division. They’re on limited time. The dad apologized again. John told him off. The more John thinks about it, the less
satisfied he is with it, though. There’s
not much more that can happen. The kid
is going to the next division with kids his own age and with more
experience. There will be no opportunity
to bully little kids. It will be tough
for him. But it will be better for
him. Otherwise he would have had to have
gone from this rookie group to the senior division next year. He’ll learn something now other than how to
push little kids around.
I don’t understand parents.
Yes, Jack checked up. But the kid
didn’t respond appropriately and it was his own fault that he rolled and then
crashed into the wall on the other side of the track. As a parent, what do you teach your child in
that situation? My son was shown that he
had made a mistake and in a calm and reasonable manner worked with his uncle
and then his dad to figure out how to avoid the situation in the future. That child was taught to go after a boy five
years younger and possibly hurt him but definitely to purposely damage
equipment. That child was taught that
over-reaction is appropriate and vengeance is acceptable.
 |
| Rainbow we saw on the way home |
Unfortunately, I think that many parents would prefer the
latter lesson to the former.
I am proud of both of my boys though. Jack remained unruffled and really had an
excellent race. And John followed the
right channels and didn’t pummel the living shit out of the kid’s dad.
