10 Things That Made Me Smile Today
1. Jack singing the theme for Perry the Platypus (do be do be do be...).
2. Playing in the snow with the kids.
3. My hour long nap.
4. Anna saying, "I like your popcorn jammies!" Apparently the clouds on my new jammies look like popcorn to her.
5. Playing Legos with both kids.
6. Anna is getting more and more patient with using the stylus on her Explorer.
7. Anna calling her Leapfrog Explorer her "batteries."
8. My cheeseburger happy meal.
9. The 20 minutes of cuddle time with Junior, the dog.
10. Watching the dogs run around like lunatics in the snow.
10 Things I am Thankful for Right Now
1. My children and husband.
2. My parents, sisters--including Geri--, nieces, nephew, friends
3. My dogs (even though Brian was sick last night)
4. The fact that my husband bought me replacement diamond earrings, promising me that if I was good and didn't lose one, he would "upgrade" next year.
5. The new big screen, flat panel TV.
6. I have at least one friend who, when I announce that I want to go to a tikki bar, is ready to go along with me.
7. The fact that I have brought home only about an hour's worth of school work over this vacation.
8. Vick's Vapor pads.
9. My popcorn jammies.
10. VACATION!!!!!!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Things Are Looking Up
1. I wanted to thank everyone for their support, both in person and on-line. I appreciate it more than you can understand. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
2. Tomorrow John and I are bringing Anna to a screening at the early childhood center. I had called right after Thanksgiving, thinking I would have to wait for a while. But they had an opening and wondered if I would be able to get Anna there. Um...yeah...thanks. We'll see what the story is. At the very least she should be getting something for her speech.
3. My sister-in-law gave us the phone number and information for a doctor who specializes in pediatric psychology or whatever. Before we take that route, we need to play the insurance game. Since the city I work for changed to the state sanctioned health care program, we've been hit with bill after bill after bill with things that our old insurance covered that our new insurance does not. I'll be able to get a referral--our pediatrician is very supportive. We'll take the next step when we know what it is.
4. Billy-the-Exterminator is sooooo bad I can't help but watch.
5. So tomorrow, after Anna's appointment, I'm dropping her off at the sitters. I'm going shopping without the kids or the husband. I already feel guilty about it. Guilt is one of those things that I learned from my mother. I'm not sure how much guilt she ever really felt in her lifetime, but she sure knows how to impart guilt upon the masses. I feel guilty because Anna really likes to go shopping, particularly at Target. Don't know why. We don't usually buy the kids stuff when we go shopping, but she really likes to go there. The other reason I feel guilty is that I should really drop Anna off and go to work--I should be able to get there by 11 or so. I do feel guilty about it, but there would be no one to cover the three classes I would be missing. Once upon a time, we would have an "extra" sub in the building to cover classes and help out in the office. Even as late as last year, we would have teachers who would be able to cover a class here or there. Now, we're so short staffed that's not even an option. To cover my couple of hours would require paying for a sub anyway. Might as well take the day.
6. The kids are so excited about Christmas. Well, Jack is excited. Anna is just happy. She's singing Christmas carols at every single turn. Yeserday was "The Little Drummer Boy." And that was, quite possibly, the best. Jack is watching more "big kid" TV ("Phineas and Ferb" mainly), and has access to commercials. So every time he sees a toy commercial, he says, "I want that!" It is incredibly difficult to figure out what he wants. Hopefully he'll like what he gets.
7. I have to get some things done! I have to stop blogging!
2. Tomorrow John and I are bringing Anna to a screening at the early childhood center. I had called right after Thanksgiving, thinking I would have to wait for a while. But they had an opening and wondered if I would be able to get Anna there. Um...yeah...thanks. We'll see what the story is. At the very least she should be getting something for her speech.
3. My sister-in-law gave us the phone number and information for a doctor who specializes in pediatric psychology or whatever. Before we take that route, we need to play the insurance game. Since the city I work for changed to the state sanctioned health care program, we've been hit with bill after bill after bill with things that our old insurance covered that our new insurance does not. I'll be able to get a referral--our pediatrician is very supportive. We'll take the next step when we know what it is.
4. Billy-the-Exterminator is sooooo bad I can't help but watch.
5. So tomorrow, after Anna's appointment, I'm dropping her off at the sitters. I'm going shopping without the kids or the husband. I already feel guilty about it. Guilt is one of those things that I learned from my mother. I'm not sure how much guilt she ever really felt in her lifetime, but she sure knows how to impart guilt upon the masses. I feel guilty because Anna really likes to go shopping, particularly at Target. Don't know why. We don't usually buy the kids stuff when we go shopping, but she really likes to go there. The other reason I feel guilty is that I should really drop Anna off and go to work--I should be able to get there by 11 or so. I do feel guilty about it, but there would be no one to cover the three classes I would be missing. Once upon a time, we would have an "extra" sub in the building to cover classes and help out in the office. Even as late as last year, we would have teachers who would be able to cover a class here or there. Now, we're so short staffed that's not even an option. To cover my couple of hours would require paying for a sub anyway. Might as well take the day.
6. The kids are so excited about Christmas. Well, Jack is excited. Anna is just happy. She's singing Christmas carols at every single turn. Yeserday was "The Little Drummer Boy." And that was, quite possibly, the best. Jack is watching more "big kid" TV ("Phineas and Ferb" mainly), and has access to commercials. So every time he sees a toy commercial, he says, "I want that!" It is incredibly difficult to figure out what he wants. Hopefully he'll like what he gets.
7. I have to get some things done! I have to stop blogging!
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Why I'm the World's Worst Mother and Other Thoughts
This has been a tough week here in the Bailey-Dumas household. Perhaps it was tough in my own head more than anywhere else.
Those who know Anna know that there's something a little off with the girl. The more we play around with the idea, the more we think it could be any number of things. We're fairly certain that she is not autistic, but we've come up with a whole book full of possible issues. Right now we're leaning toward an anxiety issue. A severe anxiety issue. We're starting the screening process next week.
This breaks my heart in so many ways. First of all, I have a lot of great qualities. I'm smart. I'm funny. I'm a hell of a writer. I am also one big ball of anxiety. It's the latter she got from me. It pains me to think that my little girl is paralyzed by the things that make me pause. I have lost my patience with her, thinking she was being stubborn or bratty, when she was really being afraid. Fantastic mother.
On Tuesday, I brought her to the eye doctor. She's got an eye--the right one--that turns in. For a while, almost a year, I wasn't really sure if it was turning it in. So I was delayed in getting her to the eye doctor. We went in March, and the doctor prescribed her glasses. I wasn't good at forcing her to wear her glasses. We misplaced them a bunch of times. When we went back to the doctor in August, he was frustrated with us because she wasn't wearing the glasses. He wanted her to wear an eye patch for an hour a day.
Seems like a reasonable request. And at first it wasn't so bad. We called it her "Princess Pirate Patch," drew pictures on it, and ran around saying "argh!!" a lot. We would put it on at dinner time and would give her dessert if she kept it on for the whole hour. That lasted maybe a month, tops. Then it turned into a fight. When it got to the point that I was tackling her and pinning her down to put the patch on only to have her pull it off three seconds later and have to start the whole thing over again. I gave up on it, but I was able to get her to wear her glasses more often. And it seemed, really seemed, as if that was working. The eye was not turning in like it had been.
So Tuesday, I took her to the eye doctor. She freaked out. The tech asked her to tell her how many little red lights she saw. Anna said, "No." The tech next asked me, "Is she speech delayed?" Yes. Thanks for reminding me. Anna was bouncing around and off the walls. The tech was out of her element. So she called in the doctor. The doctor did a really good job with Anna and was able to get a lot checked out. He was very disturbed by the fact that her right eye just wasn't working. He couldn't get her to focus on anything. He said that if we couldn't get her to use it soon, she could lose the use of it forever.
After delivering that happy news, we decided to dilate her eyes so that he could measure them for a new glasses prescription. That was a fight and a half. I was holding her body. This other doctor/helper lady was holding her arms. The doctor had her legs and she was screaming and fighting. So I started crying. No seriously. I started sobbing. I just felt so sorry for her, for letting her down so badly. She stopped crying, and asked, "Mama, what's the matter?" So I started sobbing more. She had run away from me, from all the adults, but then saw that I was crying and came running back to me. She threw herself at me and said, "Aw! Mama!" So I sobbed all the more.
Then the doctor told me that she had, indeed, improved her eyesight. It doesn't make sense to me, but it really perked the doctor up. Then he left the room before I could start crying again. That happy news and the fact that the eye drops that he prescribed in place of attempting the patch again is would be deadly if swallowed. Thanks, dude.
So not only is my daughter one big ball of anxiety, she is not using her right eye and could quite possibly lose the vision it. All because of me.
The rational side of me understands that this is not totally my fault. I can't fix everything. I can't stop everything from happening.
The irrational part of me just wishes I could make it all better, because it seems like this little girl has so much going on. It's amazing to think that her sweetness and her sense of humor is as intact as it is.
Those who know Anna know that there's something a little off with the girl. The more we play around with the idea, the more we think it could be any number of things. We're fairly certain that she is not autistic, but we've come up with a whole book full of possible issues. Right now we're leaning toward an anxiety issue. A severe anxiety issue. We're starting the screening process next week.
This breaks my heart in so many ways. First of all, I have a lot of great qualities. I'm smart. I'm funny. I'm a hell of a writer. I am also one big ball of anxiety. It's the latter she got from me. It pains me to think that my little girl is paralyzed by the things that make me pause. I have lost my patience with her, thinking she was being stubborn or bratty, when she was really being afraid. Fantastic mother.
On Tuesday, I brought her to the eye doctor. She's got an eye--the right one--that turns in. For a while, almost a year, I wasn't really sure if it was turning it in. So I was delayed in getting her to the eye doctor. We went in March, and the doctor prescribed her glasses. I wasn't good at forcing her to wear her glasses. We misplaced them a bunch of times. When we went back to the doctor in August, he was frustrated with us because she wasn't wearing the glasses. He wanted her to wear an eye patch for an hour a day.
Seems like a reasonable request. And at first it wasn't so bad. We called it her "Princess Pirate Patch," drew pictures on it, and ran around saying "argh!!" a lot. We would put it on at dinner time and would give her dessert if she kept it on for the whole hour. That lasted maybe a month, tops. Then it turned into a fight. When it got to the point that I was tackling her and pinning her down to put the patch on only to have her pull it off three seconds later and have to start the whole thing over again. I gave up on it, but I was able to get her to wear her glasses more often. And it seemed, really seemed, as if that was working. The eye was not turning in like it had been.
So Tuesday, I took her to the eye doctor. She freaked out. The tech asked her to tell her how many little red lights she saw. Anna said, "No." The tech next asked me, "Is she speech delayed?" Yes. Thanks for reminding me. Anna was bouncing around and off the walls. The tech was out of her element. So she called in the doctor. The doctor did a really good job with Anna and was able to get a lot checked out. He was very disturbed by the fact that her right eye just wasn't working. He couldn't get her to focus on anything. He said that if we couldn't get her to use it soon, she could lose the use of it forever.
After delivering that happy news, we decided to dilate her eyes so that he could measure them for a new glasses prescription. That was a fight and a half. I was holding her body. This other doctor/helper lady was holding her arms. The doctor had her legs and she was screaming and fighting. So I started crying. No seriously. I started sobbing. I just felt so sorry for her, for letting her down so badly. She stopped crying, and asked, "Mama, what's the matter?" So I started sobbing more. She had run away from me, from all the adults, but then saw that I was crying and came running back to me. She threw herself at me and said, "Aw! Mama!" So I sobbed all the more.
Then the doctor told me that she had, indeed, improved her eyesight. It doesn't make sense to me, but it really perked the doctor up. Then he left the room before I could start crying again. That happy news and the fact that the eye drops that he prescribed in place of attempting the patch again is would be deadly if swallowed. Thanks, dude.
So not only is my daughter one big ball of anxiety, she is not using her right eye and could quite possibly lose the vision it. All because of me.
The rational side of me understands that this is not totally my fault. I can't fix everything. I can't stop everything from happening.
The irrational part of me just wishes I could make it all better, because it seems like this little girl has so much going on. It's amazing to think that her sweetness and her sense of humor is as intact as it is.
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